The Language of Ongoing Regard

A Common Problem

In many marriages, says Marriage Counseling Naples FL there is a vast “under communication” of appreciation and expression of positive regard for one’s spouse.  For a person to hear that he or she is valued for who they are and what they do, not only brings couples closer together, it makes a positive difference in the way couples relate and work together. Fort Myers FL Marriage Counseling agrees.

The Simple Solution

According to Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs, couples should have a time set aside each day when they check-in with each other.  At the start of each of these meetings, the first 5 to 10 minutes should be set aside for the expression of appreciation.  The comments do not have to reflect a person’s monumental efforts.  To the contrary, focusing on the little things can make a big difference.  Showing appreciation over the small details, says Marriage Counseling Estero FL, demonstrates to your spouse that you notice and care.

To keep such a discussion natural, each spouse doesn’t have to come up with something every day.  According to Marriage Counseling Cape Coral, the goal is to establish  a platform where a husband or wife is able to express positive regard to the other on an ongoing basis.

Three Suggestions

(1)The statement of ongoing regard should be made directly to your mate. For example, “Sue, I really liked the way you….”   “You went beyond the call of duty…”  “That was so thoughtful of you….”  Such words of appreciation will help connect the two of you as a couple says Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs FL.

(2)  The statement of ongoing regard should be specific. For example, “John, I loved the way you organized the kids to get ready for our day trip.  That really took a lot of planning and skill.  Things went off without a hitch.  And boy, did that take stress of me.  Thank you so much.”

(3)  Your statement of ongoing regard should reflect the your own personal experience.To turn a statement of appreciation into one that really builds your marriage relationship, you should speak of your own person al experience rather than just talking about your partner.   For example, “Pete, your willingness to take time out of your busy schedule to help me bring those heavy groceries  from my car into the house, given my bad back, really helped me out.”  This is different from “Pete, thanks for bringing in supplies from my car the other day.”  In the first instance, you tie the event to what it meant to you personally.

Can your marriage use assistance in bridging the relational gaps?  Do you need to strengthen your emotional bond?  Go to the website of Dr. Ken Newberger at http://MarriageCounselingAlt.com.  He serves Lee and Collier Counties in Southwest Florida.  Call him directly to learn more about his services at (239) 689-4366.