Three Questions and Answers about Mediation

What is Mediation and How does it Differ from Arbitration?

Mediation is the process whereby disputants discover a mutually acceptable resolution of their differences through the help of a third party.  The mediator helps identify individual needs and interests, aids in generating options for mutual gain, and facilitates negotiation resulting in a final agreement that the parties themselves create.  Marriage counselors at Fort Myers FL Marriage Counseling agree.  For an increasing number of people, mediation is the preferred form of dispute resolution whose time has come.  Fisher and Ury have observed, “Everyone wants to participate in the decisions that affect them; fewer and fewer people will accept decisions dictated by someone else.”

The major distinction between mediation and arbitration says Marriage Counseling Estero FL has to do with who is in charge of the decision making process.  In mediation, the parties themselves are in charge.  The mediator serves as a facilitator to help the parties work out their differences among themselves.  In arbitration, the third party arbiter is in charge who will impose a binding decision on the disputants.

Mediation and arbitration also differ in their orientations notes Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs.  Arbitration is focused more in the past.  Mediation is focused more toward the future.  Whereas arbitration typically involves making a determination of who was right and who was wrong in days gone by, mediation considers ways the parties can relate and agree to work together in the days ahead.

What is the Most Significant Benefit of Mediation for Marriages?

Marriage counselors at Marriage Counseling Naples FL note that the greatest benefit of marital mediation is that it holds out the promise of preserving relationships.  Mediating a conflict is far more “humane” than any adversarial processes.  Divorce, for example, often shatters any hope for a long-term relationship between former spouses even at the expense of the best interest of the children.  Just consider the process.  Lawyersspeaking on behalf of their clients in court replaces direct personal dialogue in private.  The parties become combatants in an expensive, legal struggle.  And with more money and emotion invested, the more each party is committed to winning and vilifying the other side.  One attorney, Gary Friedman, personally felt the emotional toll of such combat.  After five years of practice he stated, “I began to grow increasingly disheartened, particularly when I saw the human costs of the litigation process – relationships seemed only to be worsened by the adversary experience.”  The professionals at Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs FL agree.

By contrast, mediation holds the promise of preserving relationships, even strengthening them as the parties constructively work through the resolution process together.  This is noble work, according to Marriage Counseling Cape Coral FL. Friedman concluded, “Our normal tendency is to want to forget about the past, sever ties, and move on.  Yet people who are willing to face what has happened between them and to speak honestly to each other about it, while also addressing what they want for the future, have the chance to reach a settlement that has integrity.”

Can Mediation Be Used to Save and Rebuild a Marriage?

The answer to this question is a resounding “yes!”  When it comes to marriages, Dr. Ken Newberger, Ph.D., in Conflict Analysis and Resolution, does not practice divorce mediation.  He only practices martial mediation that has reconciliation as the goal.  Indeed, he offers an effective, cutting-edge alternative to traditional marriage counseling when preserving the marriage is the couple’s goal.  View the outline of his practice online at: www.MarriageCounselingAlt.com/couples.htm.  Then feel free to contact regarding your marital situation at 239-689-4266.  There is no charge for an initial tel. consultation.  Dr. Newberger can serve couples online or in person if you live in Southwest Florida.  This includes the cities of Fort Myers FL, Naples, Bonita Springs, Cape Coral, Estero, Ft Myers Beach, and Punta Gorda FL.  If you are struggling with ongoing, unresolved conflict, don’t delay.  Call

The Language of Ongoing Regard

A Common Problem

In many marriages, says Marriage Counseling Naples FL there is a vast “under communication” of appreciation and expression of positive regard for one’s spouse.  For a person to hear that he or she is valued for who they are and what they do, not only brings couples closer together, it makes a positive difference in the way couples relate and work together. Fort Myers FL Marriage Counseling agrees.

The Simple Solution

According to Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs, couples should have a time set aside each day when they check-in with each other.  At the start of each of these meetings, the first 5 to 10 minutes should be set aside for the expression of appreciation.  The comments do not have to reflect a person’s monumental efforts.  To the contrary, focusing on the little things can make a big difference.  Showing appreciation over the small details, says Marriage Counseling Estero FL, demonstrates to your spouse that you notice and care.

To keep such a discussion natural, each spouse doesn’t have to come up with something every day.  According to Marriage Counseling Cape Coral, the goal is to establish  a platform where a husband or wife is able to express positive regard to the other on an ongoing basis.

Three Suggestions

(1)The statement of ongoing regard should be made directly to your mate. For example, “Sue, I really liked the way you….”   “You went beyond the call of duty…”  “That was so thoughtful of you….”  Such words of appreciation will help connect the two of you as a couple says Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs FL.

(2)  The statement of ongoing regard should be specific. For example, “John, I loved the way you organized the kids to get ready for our day trip.  That really took a lot of planning and skill.  Things went off without a hitch.  And boy, did that take stress of me.  Thank you so much.”

(3)  Your statement of ongoing regard should reflect the your own personal experience.To turn a statement of appreciation into one that really builds your marriage relationship, you should speak of your own person al experience rather than just talking about your partner.   For example, “Pete, your willingness to take time out of your busy schedule to help me bring those heavy groceries  from my car into the house, given my bad back, really helped me out.”  This is different from “Pete, thanks for bringing in supplies from my car the other day.”  In the first instance, you tie the event to what it meant to you personally.

Can your marriage use assistance in bridging the relational gaps?  Do you need to strengthen your emotional bond?  Go to the website of Dr. Ken Newberger at http://MarriageCounselingAlt.com.  He serves Lee and Collier Counties in Southwest Florida.  Call him directly to learn more about his services at (239) 689-4366.